Dealing With a Break Up

There are six stages of dealing with a break up. When I started going through my break up I had no idea that this was the case. All I felt at the time was despair and sadness. When I took the time to educate myself about relationships and break ups, I learnt about the stages of a broken heart.

Sometimes it can help to understand what you are feeling. For me, knowing that I was not alone in the way I felt helped. I made it through my break up, but now I want to help other people learn about the stages of dealing with a break up as well.

Stage One – Signs of Trouble

Long before a relationship ends there are clear signs of its demise. The early stages of dealing with a break up usually involve denial, at least they did for me. After being together for a year, I started fighting with my girlfriend all the time. She avoided me and started spending more time with her friends, so I did the same. Though neither of us would admit it, out relationship was breaking down.

Stage Two – The Break Up

Sometimes it’s a huge fight, sometimes a mutual agreement. I came home one day to find my girlfriend had moved all of her stuff out of the house. For a moment I was shocked, but I was also relieved. Most people have mixed feelings at this part of the stages of dealing with a break up.

Stage Three – Depression

A few days after my break up I walked past a travel agency with an advertisement for Disneyland in the window. My girlfriend and I were planning to take a trip there this summer, and the realization hit me that we would never do it. I thought of all the things we would now never do together again. From there it was a slippery slope into depression, perhaps the most difficult of the stages of dealing with a break up.

Stage Four – Anger

Some people pass through the sad stages of dealing with a break up quickly. For me, it took months. But there, waiting for me on the horizon was anger. I became really angry at my ex girlfriend. All the sadness I had felt was her fault. I remembered all the terrible things she had done in our relationship. Now that I think back, some of the things I thought and said about her were awful. The good thing about anger is that it gave me my energy back. I started looking after myself and going out again. When you start doing these things you are well on the path to getting better.

Stage Five – Moving On

When the anger hit me I started doing things for myself again. I went to gym and went out with friends a lot. Moving on is the most positive of the stages of dealing with a break up. There was still pain there, but it became much easier to deal with.

Stage Six – Recovery

Recovery is the final of the stages of dealing with a  break up, where I can now say I have reached. I have put the past behind me and have started dating again.

Find out more about After a Break Up and read about Coping with a Break Up